Working on my Fitness, He's my Witness (Oh Wee!)

As a large lady (1X if we're being honest), why is going to the gym so incredibly intimidating? I know for sure that I make bigger deals out of small things but I can't help but to feel a slight sense of dread to go to the gym and work out. It's so disgusting but I feel myself checking everytime I walk in to see if I'm the one who has the most to lose. If someone is larger than me or around the same size, it's the only way I feel even remotely comfortable... even then, I feel like I'm expected to have perfect form and know exactly what I'm doing, otherwise I'll be left to face ridicule.

Josh and I have really upped our gym appearances and I feel like I'm edging towards becoming more comfortable. I find I'm telling myself more often that the extra weight we carry belongs at the gym (where we hope to leave it) and that this is why I'm here... to make this tum smaller and my muscles larger. But still, I question if others are looking, judging:

"How did she allow herself to get there?"
"Gross"
"And THAT is why I work out"

My concerns about this are ridiculous and it affects my performance. In reality, everyone is focused solely on their own workouts, increasing their own strength, working on maintaining their own body image.

Working out is enjoyable. To feel my body growing both stronger and weaker as I work at perfecting motions to encourage strength. To feel sore after a great workout has become a sign that I'm doing the right thing for my body, pushing limits without breaking.

If only I could remove my mental inhibitions to really get the most out of my workouts. That initial 5-10 minutes in the gym is the worst, getting settled into knowing I don't look like some of the other amazing bodies that are in and working out... but then I think, some of them had to have been where I am now. I can get to where they are too.

Feeling fit- I'm coming for ya.